PMI rejected my experience detailed in 500 characters

Hi everyone,

I submitted my application last week and have received an email from PMI stating that my application is pending and I have to re-submit my experience.

I have been working as a project manager for an e-commerce website project for last 4 years and have successfully launched the site. This is an extensive industry website offering over 200,000 parts.

After receiving PMI's response, I have re-written the experience blurb and now seeking expert opinion from fellow forum members to review the new text and let me know if this is written in desired acceptable way.

Here is what I originally submitted:

"Managed development of B2B/B2C e-commerce portal sitename.com. Initiation: worked with sponsor on project charter and approval; id'ed stakeholders. Planning: met with stakeholders on scope, requirements; defined project management plan. Executing: acquired dev resources, executed work plan, tested software changes, measured/reported progress to stakeholders. Controlling: managed change requests, collected new issues for issue register. Closing: reviewed with stakeholders and put lessons learned, other closure docs on shared drive."

Below is PMI's objection on my description above :

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 Project Descriptions - The description you provided is unclear regarding the tasks and role that you specifically performed. Please provide a description of your role with the following standards and tasks in mind.

PMI requires that qualified PMP candidates:

* Perform their duties under general supervision and are responsible for all aspects of the project for the life of the project
* Lead and direct cross-functional teams to deliver projects within the constraints of schedule, budget and resources
* Demonstrate sufficient knowledge and experience to appropriately apply a methodology to projects that have reasonably well-defined project requirements and deliverables.

We are unable to ascertain from the project descriptions you have provided if you served in the capacity on the projects per the aforementioned role definition. Project descriptions should be documented clearly enough to ascertain whether or not the projects documented truly are projects (please refer to PMBOK®Guide, 5th Edition, Section 3.2).

Further, project descriptions should consist of the following:

* A brief, one-sentence project objective
* Project deliverables summarized by process areas (Initiating, Planning, Executing, Monitoring and Controlling, and Closing - abbreviations are acceptable IN, PL, EX, MC & CL)
* A brief, one-sentence project outcome

Project descriptions should be a high level summary of the tasks you led and directed on the project (e.g. Initiating: develop project charter etc.; Planning: Scope definition etc.; and so on). Project management experience is required in each of the process areas when all projects are totaled, but not on each project. Project descriptions must be provided for all projects submitted on application. Please revise the project descriptions.

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Based on above response from PMI I have re-written the project description as below:

"I acted as project manager responsible for managing development and implementation of B2B/B2C e-commerce web portal. Outcome: Portal deliverable was accepted and successfully implemented. IN: developed approved project charter and stakeholder register. PL: developed scope statement, requirements, WBS, and project management plan. EX: developed project team, directed execution to plan, updated schedule and project plan. MC: managed change requests, updated change log and project management plan. Closing: obtained sponsor acceptance of deliverable, collected lessons learned, archived to SharePoint knowledge base"

I would highly appreciate if my fellow experts can review the newly crafted description and let me know if I can go ahead with this description.

Thank you in advance to all experts!

Ash